Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
