no, he came in my armpit
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
