Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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