Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just puked most of my soul out..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
