All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
