my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
