Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
