Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
