And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
