found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
