I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
