Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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