i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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