My room smells like vodka and shame
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
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