And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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