is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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