I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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