she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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