The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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