names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
