And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
