WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
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He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
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Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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