Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
