I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
