11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
