Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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