You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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