just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
