This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
