she woke up with a sticky ear
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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