So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
