do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
