Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
