my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
