Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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