He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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