I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
