At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I FOUND THE LEGS
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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