apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
