Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
