First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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