batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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