Can i not drive my cunt home
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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