the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
