I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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