i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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