So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
