why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What drink are we having for lunch?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
