Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
