i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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