woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
