Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
