i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Panties = found
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
