She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
