Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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