Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
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So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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