i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
