Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
