you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
