We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
