I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
