Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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