I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
