I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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