We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
