Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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