She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
