Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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