When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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