and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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