i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
