buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
