Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
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Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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