Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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