Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize