sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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