Have you finally orgasmed yet?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
