FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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