I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He shit in the fireplace
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
