You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
