i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
