you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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