Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
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Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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