what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
