would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
